i know i never do anything on here anymore but thats cuz i pretty much post everything on my regular blog now
so if any of you want to follow that it is pillowedshock.tumblr.com
its weird because im not even at the height of my disorder
im less crazy about things than i used to be,
but like i still know the calorie content of everything i put in my mouth without even having to look at the packaging.
i add up all my calories for the day on my wrist.
recently my guy friend saw it and asked me what it meant
and i said “you’ll never ever guess”.
its ssssssssoooo fucking fucked up
the way i miss how crazy i was about food.
because i was like insane never eating anything and burning at least a thousand calories (thats burning all the calories i ate, and then another thousand plus on top of that) more than i ate in a day, everyday for like four months and lost like twenty pounds and got all crazy skin and bones thin. i never did much of anything but run on that elliptical like a hamster, and obsess about the calorie amounts in my food.
but i was IN CONTROL, i had EVERYTHING under control and i was the master.
i mean i still dont know if i could ever be classified as having an eating disorder but i definitely can not and never will be able to eat like other girls do with out worry or fear or looking at nutrition labels ever again.
gah my brain can be FUCKED UP.
at least im losing weight again.
SGD day 5 (450)
breakfast:
banana (free)
lunch:
salad (60)
dinner:
bananas (free)
salad (60)
ham (75)
bread (70)
cheese (120)
cocoa powder (20)
bread (35)
total (440)
elliptical 15 min (-60)
SGD day 4 (500)
four bananas(free)
two apples (free)
mushrooms, tomatoes, beans (free)
chicken (230)
1/2 cup oatmeal (150)
pita (110)
1 tbs cocoa powder (10)
total (500)
20 min on elliptical (-80)
SGD day 3 (400)
3 bananas (free)
tomato sauce nothing added (free)
tortilla (free)
2 slices swiss cheese (120)
4 slices ham (50)
2 apples (free)
1/2 cup oatmeal (150)
total (390)
ran on elliptical for 1/2 hour (-114)
SGD day 2 (300)
breakfast:
banana (free)
lunch:
pickles (0 and free)
carrots (free)
dinner:
2 bananas (free)
onions, peppers, tomatoes (free)
apples (free)
tortilla (70)
3 slices of cheese (180)
4 slices of fat free ham (50)
total (300)
ran for 20 minutes on elliptical (-70)
so me and my friend have a bet, or contest or whatever.
whoever loses the most weight by valentines day wins,
the loser has to pay for the other one to go clubbing on her birthday.
if one of us reaches our goal weight by then, then the other has to buy her a swimsuit.
so fucking psyched.
SGD day 1 (400)
breakfast:
cucumbers (free)
lunch:
cucumbers (free)
pickles (0 and free)
tomato sandwich (80)
dinner:
pickles (0 and free)
veggie burger sandwich (180)
cucumbers (free)
tomato (free)
fat free strawberry greek yogurt (140)
total (400)
ran on elliptical for 1 hour (-106)
starting sgd again tomorrow
so tomorrow is 400cal,
so i packed myself a lunch worth of 70cal
so that leaves me 330cal for when i get home.
and i WILL exercise tomorrow afterschool.
